Chicken Bling

Though Martin Picard and crew do some wonderful and obscene things with animal carcasses, I believe that we have done something special in creating chicken jewelry. And you can't be taken seriously wearing chicken bling unless you are throwing down a sick-ass chicken foot hand sign. So there. Now eat it.

The Color Of Meat

In a move that can only be interpreted as extremely jaded, Target stores will soon be selling meats from Cargill and Hormel Foods that are treated, using carbon monoxide technology in a joint venture called Precept Foods, to help meat retain its red color. In a hearing of the Congressional House Energy and Commerce investigative subcommittee, Target divisional merchandise manager Danielle Lachman said that federal officials have approved language that Hormel and Cargill will use on the packaging.

The label will say "Color is not an accurate indicator of freshness. Refer to use or freeze by" date.

The meat industry uses carbon monoxide in packages to help meat retain its red color. Hormel Foods Corp. and Cargill Inc. use carbon monoxide technology in a joint venture called Precept Foods to help meat retain its red color. Although federal officials approved the practice, consumer advocates say it makes meat look fresh long after its expiration date. It seems pretty damn creepy that Hormel and Cargill spun off a joint venture called Precept, whose purpose is to help meat retain its red color. Who kows what irony lies behind the name Precept?

The panel's chairman, Bart Stupak, D-Mich., opposes the carbon monoxide treatment, arguing its sole purpose is to fool consumers about the freshness of the product. In 2007, several supermarket chains agreed to stop selling meats packaged in carbon monoxide after the House panel wrote letters expressing concern and seeking information.

So don't be fooled by red meat, even though they are trying to fool you. The fine print will tell you that you're a sucker if you believe that red meat is fresh.

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Pork In Spirits

Funny thing, just a few months ago I was doing some research on pork spirits in order to take my brother-in-law up on a challenge. He said he would invest in a distillery if I created a spirit (as in alcohol) from pork. So I hit the books, both print and online, and found recipes to create a wonderful cocktail called Purl & Swine. Only problem is that I had to make the purl and I still have to make the pork spirits. I'm building a shelter for my pigs right now and will be getting them in a few months. It will be winter before I have my homemade swine.

But what's this? Could someone actually beat me to the punch? This just in from my American Distiller newsletter:

THE DISTILLED SPIRITS COUNCIL OF THE UNITED STATES PREDICTS 2008 TO BE A YEAR OF CLASSIC COCKTAIL INNOVATION FIVE COCKTAIL TRENDS AS SEEN IN BARS AND NIGHTCLUBS

According to The Distilled Spirits Council, as spirits consumers continue to be more and more cocktail-savvy, bartenders are pushing the boundaries of the classics to present fresh twists on traditional flavors. These new trends reflect the increasing sophistication of cocktail consumers and their demand for innovation, technique, taste and novelty.

Innovative Infusions

Moving beyond the fruit infused vodkas of recent years, bartenders are focusing on flavor by experimenting with innovative, new infusion ideas. Traditional botanicals like violet, lavender, cardamom and teas are lending an old-world and elegant twist to classic cocktail recipes. And while fresh ingredients are still key, pioneering bartenders and mixologists are pushing the envelope by creating novelty infusions that amuse and entertain patrons. "Many of my contemporaries are using eccentric flavors and ingredients you would normally find in cooking such as chili peppers, smoke, wood and pork," says Jim Meehan, a bartender from hot spot PDT in New York City. Flavors such as these are setting the tone for unconventional cocktail menus nationwide. "Infusions are catching on within all spirit categories," says Jovancicevic. "We are seeing that consumers are now most interested in discovering new flavors that capture the senses as well as the imagination."

So there you have it. But I bet that they're making a pork infusion rather than a distilled spirit.

Lucha Libre Hero "El Chicharrón"

In the December 3, 2007 issue of New Yorker, Bill Buford asks, "Is it possible that meat is now openly enjoying a renaissance-that it's finally cool to be a carnivore?" I think that Mr. Buford knows the answer. I do. Hell Yes! And the gentleman in the photo knows it too. Though this photo from the March 2008 issue of Gourmet appeared with a blurb about collagen therapy, we at the Ministry of Meat have been inspired to create a Lucha Libre hero "El Chicharron". The meat mask also conjured up visions of a really crappy movie from the past, Motel Hell, in which a crazy guy makes sausage out of people who stay in his motel. I recall a scene in which a dude with a pig head on is chasing people around with a chainsaw. I don't really want to see it again but in the interest of performing due diligence in my position at the Ministry of Meat I shall have to watch it soon.

Ministry Of Meat Springs To Life

We've been into meat for quite a few years. We raise animals, we butcher them, we cut them up and cook them, we talk about them. We're finally jumping into the online meat party to join all the meat lovers who are having way too much fun. Rather than make a mission statement right now, I will let the posts reveal the theme of the Ministry of Meat. If you're wondering about the name, whether it signifies a religious angle or maybe a department in government, you're right. We are reverent when it comes to killing and butchering animals. If you've ever slit a throat or put a cap in a beast's head, it makes you want to bow and give thanks to Creator for your own life. We also like to imagine ourselves as agents of the ersatz Ministry of Meat, one of those officially non-existent entities paid by funds from offshore bank accounts. We're Blues Brothers meets Foxfire. We're 21st century knucklehead backwoods hipsters with guns n' knives. We're here to offer our slice of the world, riding on a magic carpet of thinly pounded bison flank steak.